Nettles--the scourge of the outdoors

That plant right there is called a nettle.  Or a stinging nettle.  Or "Oh, for f***'s sake!" as I tend to call it every time I encounter it.  Apparently it exists in North America, too, but I'd never seen it or heard of it before moving to the UK.  Here, it's everywhere.  It's not exactly dangerous, but damn it, it's annoying.

You know exactly when you have even lightly touched it, because whatever touched it instantly stings and gets covered in bumps. For a first timer, the experience of leaning back in the grass and feeling your hand burn and swell up with bumps nearly instantly is just a tad disconcerting.  There is no label saying "don't worry, this will go away with no ill effects." For all you know, you may be covered in welts soon, they may have to amputate something, or you may have minutes left to live unless you get immediate medical attention.  Anyway, it stings.

This is because the leaves are covered in tiny hypodermic needles perfectly adapted to inject histamine into whatever unfortunate patch of skin it encounters.  It doesn't wait for you to be allergic so it can create a histamine response, like civilized plants do.  The little devil plant carries its own supply of histamine to make for damn sure you're temporarily allergic.  That's why you swell up immediately.  That's what histamine does.  The burning comes from something else, and I imagine it's the acidic blood from the Alien movies.

And it's just plain green and boring looking.  At least poison ivy looks somewhat distinctive to warn you to steer clear.  Nettles don't warn you.  They derive their little plant joy from luring in unsuspecting people and ruining their lovely day outside.  Evil little f***ers!