Never walk out the door without telling your family you love them.
We are of German ancestry, so we are feisty. We will fight sometimes. But that doesn't mean we don't love each other. And it's important to remind each other of that. One of the most important things we need when growing up is a certainty that we are loved. Tommy and I never doubted that for a second.
Call your mother.
Hell hath no fury like a mother that hasn't heard from her son. But seriously, what does it cost you to call your mother? Mom loves me, and she worries about me. It doesn't matter that I am just driving from Pittsburgh to Annapolis. Mom likes knowing I haven't been attacked by Godzilla on the way.
Everyone has a right to vent. But stop whining.
There's an important distinction here. Whatever you are feeling, put it into words. Get it out of your system. It's the only way to deal with it. But as soon as I repeated myself, mom put a stop to it. As soon as you complain a second time about the same thing without having done anything about it, it becomes whining. And mom has no patience for whining.
Everyone needs a vacation.
For mom, vacation means taking off her watch, plopping down on a beach all day with a book, and eating at some point. She worked very hard all year, and she rewarded herself by recharging her batteries for a week or two in the summer. I have never forgotten how necessary that is.
Chocolate doesn't solve everything, but it's a good place to start.
Mama loves chocolate. She made me love chocolate. But she likes the dark stuff. I will stick with milk, thank you. Mama used to have me sort through my Halloween candy and give her all the Tootsie Rolls. Casino rules, I guess. A certain percentage goes to the house.
The Steelers are important.
It's not like a young man needs to be reminded of this, but the point was emphasized when I was 11 and the Steelers went into overtime in the playoffs against the Oilers. It was way past bed time, but it was the Stillers! And Gary Anderson was on fire! It was totally okay to stay up late for that.
Never feel bad about spending money on your food, your shoes, or your bed.
Everything else is negotiable. Budgeting is very tough, but keep your priorities. You have to eat everyday, you are on your feet everyday, and you sleep a quarter of your life.
It is important to laugh
And my mother laughs like a hyena. I got my loud and boisterous laugh from her. Not everyone gets my mother's sense of humor. Brett Karlik certainly didn't. When he was sitting in my mother's chair and not responding to her look of "get up, punk," she just sat on him. It freaked him out a bit. Mom said to me later, "that boy needs to lighten up."
If you are good to my son, I will be good to you
This goes for both mom and dad. They have always been great to my friends. They love anyone that is good to me, and they are not afraid to show it, even when I'm not around. Many of my friends ask how my parents are doing. At least the good ones.
Blunt honesty is the way to go
I don't ask a question to which I do not want an answer. And I answer questions directly, whenever it's not imprudent to do so. I got used to it, because beating around the bush just wasn't possible with my mother. Waste of time. Don't even think about lying to her. It's like shooting a Grizzly bear with a .22. It's not going to work, and it'll only piss her off.
Feminism is a good thing.
A lot of people use that like it's a dirty word, but I always grew up with a very positive view of it. Mama is a strong, independent woman that lives exactly how she wants to live. She handled all the bills because she was better at it than Dad. She took off work for several months when Tommy and I were born, not because she felt it was her duty, but because Dad made more money. She raised me to be a gentleman, not because of any gender expectations, but because it's the kind thing to do. She defined, and continues to define, her own life. That is feminism to me.
Don't put more emphasis on the wedding than the marriage
I haven't had to put this particular piece of advice to work yet, but I can't help but be impressed by my mom and dad's 44 year marriage. They are very different people today than they were back then, and yet they still share their lives. Mom reminds me that you don't just say "I do" at the wedding, and then you're done. You have to say "I do" every day. You have to choose to be with each other again as you both grow into different people. Good advice for relationships and for friendships, I think.
Food is important
My mother is a good cook. She would sometimes say, "Everyone dies of something. I'll be damned if it will be hunger." She made chicken noodle soup from scratch every time I was sick. She makes special holiday cookies called Christmas hermits. They are famous amongst those that have tried them. Her Thanksgiving dinners are legendary. She even made me a pumpkin pie and mailed it to me in England. Did your mother do that? No, I didn't think so. I win.
I love you, Mom.
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