Damn it, Deborah Tannen. You were right.

At long last, I think Deborah Tannen is onto something.  Back in college, when I had to read "You Just Don't Understand," I thought her logic concerning the way people communicate was rather faulty.  Upon further review, I see much to learn from considering conversation style.  There are a hundred different ways to communicate oneself, and it's easy to overlook the fact that the way we communicate something will actually affect what we're trying to communicate.  What I say is not necessarily what you'll hear, and vice versa.  So far, my life in the UK has forced me to really think about conversational style.

Early on, I think I gathered a reputation as "the compliment guy."  On the one hand, I like that moniker.  However, I wonder if people think I'm lying when I give compliments.  There is the old piece of advice that says, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  It's good advice.  I try to take that advice, but I'd like to add something to it.  "If you think something nice about someone, make certain you say it."  Some folks can be more comfortable teasing someone than complimenting them.  Insults can be seen as endearing.  Compliments can make people suspicious.  I don't fully understand that dynamic, but I know I'm horrible at insults.  They never sound playful to me.  I'm also crazy sensitive.  I take people seriously, and it makes me easy to wind up. So, in a golden rule kind of way, I compliment people because I know I like receiving compliments.  I mess them up just as much as insults, but I suppose I'd rather be awkward than cruel, or even silent.  I'd rather err on the side of positivity.

There is something else, though.  There are people I like that don't like themselves. There are people I think are smart that don't see it.  There are people I think are attractive that don't believe it. Sometimes it's easier to see the good in other people rather than ourselves.  Sometimes, it's easier to see the good in yourself when someone else points it out. 

I don't find self-deprecation to be a sign of humility.  Humility is resisting the temptation to trumpet your strengths, but it is not pretending they're not there.  

When I think someone looks nice, I try to tell them.  When I think someone speaks very well, I try to tell them.  When I think someone is admirably strong, I try to tell them.  I want them to know that someone sees it, and hopefully it will make them feel good.  

This particular communication style has not been advantageous in the UK so far.  It actually puts people off and sometimes makes them feel uncomfortable.  In other words, it can have the exact opposite effect from the one I intend.  I have to adapt my communication style.  In the classroom, this is second nature to me.  I don't expect 14 year olds to communicate the same way I do, nor for everyone in the class to communicate the same way as each other.  I adapt my message when necessary to make sure everyone understands it the way I mean it.  Eventually, most students figure out my way in return, and it's a comfortable situation all around. Outside the classroom, it's more difficult.  I'm more likely to get stubborn.  But, I've not given up.  If I can figure out how and when they like to hear things, perhaps I can help them understand and appreciate how and when I like to say things.  I can learn from them, and they can learn from me.  We'll be good for each other.

After all, as an American in Britain, I shouldn't be surprised there are communication issues.  

Life lessons of Berlin

Berlin is an inspiring city.  I was struck by so many things, big and small, that made me not only enjoy my time there, but also respect the people and the place greatly.  It is a city with as tumultuous a history as any in the past century.  It was ravaged by two world wars, destroyed utterly in the second one, split in half for 40 years, and has only been reunited for a quarter century.  It was used as a center for Nazi propaganda and as the focal point for the Cold War.  Its citizens and families experienced pride, shame, horror, forced separation, fear, desperation, and jubilation.  It has been, to put it mildly, an unstable place to live.  And it survived it all.  More than that, it's thriving.  That takes strength and a lot of hard work.

I am in a process of figuring out who I am and who I want to be.  I've been struck by the feeling since moving abroad that it is in my power to make any changes I like, no matter how big.  It's made me analyze so many aspects of my life, much like a building inspector planning out a refurbishment.  Like that inspector, I focus most of my attention on the things I think could be improved.  I also listen to other people's assessments, whether they're given intentionally in words or not, and the whole process can make one a tad self-conscious.  Berlin had to do the same thing.  When its wall came down, and it became one city again, it had to figure out just what it was now and what it wanted to be in the future.  Who could blame the citizens of Berlin if they'd wanted to start all over again, wiping the slate clean?  That wasn't possible, though.  We Americans love our stereotypes in movies, and the only images we'd ever show of Berlin were of The Wall and the Swastika.  Nazis became our stereotype villains.  Berliners can't escape these images, these reminders of the worst parts of their past.  There's no use hiding their past, so they don't try to.  The holocaust memorial, the Soviet war memorial, the German History museum, the DDR museum, the East Side Gallery, Checkpoint Charlie, etc.  It's all there.  They keep it out there so they can grow past it and learn from it.  Even the Reichstag showcases the spirit of the German people.  It's a strong, solid Victorian era building.  When the German bundestag moved back in, they updated the building with a glass and steel dome on top.  Something so modern looking should clash with Victorian stone, and yet it looks like it was meant to be there.  Once inside, you see that the parliament chamber is surrounded by glass on all sides and the top.  You can look down from the dome and in from the main entrance.  "Government should be transparent."

Berlin is open about its past.  It embraces the best parts of its past, but it doesn't dwell on its past.  It has grown, and it continues to grow, into a vibrant new city.  When I stood in Berlin, I felt I was standing in the middle of a very exciting and modern place.  I contrast this to places like Rome and Athens, where I am fascinated by the history, but I feel like the cities have no idea who they are now apart from who they were centuries ago.  Those cities focus so much on who they were that they seem to spend little time thinking about who they want to be.  Perhaps it's because Berlin's history doesn't go as far back or because it doesn't have a gloriously romanticized past, but personally I would rather be Berlin than Rome.  I'd rather think that my best days are ahead of me rather than behind.

A breakdown of my Berlin trip, for the benefit of my parents

Tuesday 12/17

Nadia Baker is a saint.  The woman picked me up at 3:50 am and drove me to Stansted Airport.  I had to ask her this favor, as the trains just didn’t start that early.  I had a 6:25 am flight on Ryan Air.  Nadia is a good and reliable friend.  When I looked for cheap flights to Europe, I picked both Berlin and Ryan Air because of the price.  In the future, I don’t think I’ll bother with Ryan Air if I can avoid it.  The rates are low, but they charge extra for everything.  The fact that I was staying a week and wanted more than just a backpack full of clothes added £50.  Realizing that I would be cutting it close that morning, I reserved my seat (they make everyone sit wherever they like), which added another £20.  In the end, it would be better just sticking with a better airline.  I’d fly BA every time, if I could, but I do admit that Stansted airport is a pretty convenient option for outgoing flights. 

I got to Berlin early, and though I found that I had misinterpreted which S-bahn station I would be at on arrival (I seriously don’t know how I messed that one up), I figured out the transit system pretty easily.  Thanks to my Streetwise Berlin map, I got to the hotel on foot without a hitch.  I am completely sold on Streetwise maps.  My hotel, Pestana, had a room ready for me even though I arrived very early.  The room was quite nice, and the sauna area was quite relaxing, but the gym and pool were far smaller than I’d hoped.  The worst part was the internet.  It’s advertised as free wired internet, but they mean free 128k, but broadband is extra.  That is false advertising.  The 128k didn’t even work.  Internet is crucial enough to my traveling that I do actually decide between hotels based on it.  This was the only disappointment.

I took a nap and a shower, and then I went out to explore Berlin.  I wandered around the Tiergarten, Potsdamer Platz, Brandenburg Gate, and a few other places in Mitte.  I took Melanie Hughes' advice for the first of many times and had a curry wurst and Kostritzer for dinner.  I was relatively tired and was going to go home, but I happened across the Komische Oper, which was showing Die Fledermaus that evening.  I was just thinking about checking out German opera, and I couldn’t believe my luck that good seats were available for such an amazing show.  I did go home and change into my nice clothes, but I returned in the evening for a performance in which I understood no words and could not follow the plot, but I absolutely loved it. 

Wednesday 12/18

Thanks again to Melanie, I made an appointment to tour the Reichstag at 10:30 am.  I had a late night and was very tired, so I regretted the early time for a while, but it ended up being spectacular.  I managed to find a place to grab warm apple strudel on the way there, and I spent almost an hour walking around the dome and learning the history of both the building and the surrounding area of Berlin.  The Bundestag was even in session, and I got to look down on it and in from the entrance.  They emphasize transparency as an important part of their government, and it dawned on me thinking about the suspension of Parliament by Hitler that they really hadn’t ever had a republic before 1920.  It was a monarchy, or a collection of kingdoms, or an empire up until that point.  The 1920’s weren’t exactly good for Germany, so it’s no surprise they didn’t fight harder to keep parliament.  That’s a perspective I’d not considered before. 

I headed over to Hauptbanof across the river to grab some McDonald’s (I’m more adventurous with dinner than with lunch), then I headed through East Berlin on the way to O2 world, where I wanted to get tickets for the Berlin Polar Bears.  On the way, I went into the DDR museum, encompassing the entire 40 year history of East Germany.  It was fascinating, and it was another Melanie suggestion.  I stopped by Alexander Platz, where there was a huge Christmas market.  They’re all over the place, actually, and I love stopping by.  I had a warm alcoholic drink called Gluhwein (mulled wine) and a pretzel.  The pretzels have been great, but cold.  I also walked along the East Side Gallery, which is an existing part of the Berlin wall.  I then realized that I’d forgotten my “Who stole my chicken?” shirt.  I really need to just put it in my side bag permanently.  The Berlin wall would have been a great place for a shot. 

After successfully procuring some hockey tickets for Friday, I took the U-bahn back home.  It was cold outside, and my ankle suddenly started to hurt pretty badly, so I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the downstairs sauna and pool.  It was amazingly relaxing.  I did make it outside once more for dinner, as I’d passed an Argentinian steakhouse on the way home.  The steak was not cooked correctly, but I will give them credit that it was the best steak I’d had in a while.  However, they brought me nonalcoholic beer.  I’m surprised that’s legal in Germany.

Thursday 12/19

I had a whole week to enjoy Berlin, so I gave myself one day to just enjoy the hotel amenities.  I have missed a few things while living in the Old Palace, and on the top of the list is a hot shower.  It gets warm, but it never gets hot, except for a few startling seconds now and then when it goes from burning to freezing. I will never underestimate the joy of a hot shower.  This is the first hotel I'd ever stayed in that had a wet and a dry sauna downstairs, and I decided to take full advantage of that fact.  There's not much to say about this day except that I napped in the recliner, I dipped in the pool, I soaked in the sauna, went back to the recliner to read my Kindle, returned to my nap, and repeated the process several times.  That's how a relaxing day goes by very quickly.

And let me just say that I love my Kindle.  I read "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson on this particular trip.  The man combines history and travel reporting in a way that hooks me in.   

Friday 12/20

I decided to start early this morning, actually setting an alarm for 7:00.  I booked an early bird ticket for the TV tower, yet again following Melanie’s advice.  It was €12.50, but it was worth the view.  There’s a rotating restaurant up there, and I decided to go ahead and get a light breakfast so I could sit down and enjoy the view for a while.  Hockey started at 5:00, so I dedicated the afternoon to museum island.  I went to four museums on one ticket, the National Gallery, the Neus Museum, the Pergamum museum, and the Bode Museum.  They all allowed photography, which was nice.  However, they were amazingly particular about my bag.  I couldn’t bring in water, which in itself isn’t unique, but I thought they just wanted me to empty the bottle.  I was wrong.  Even an empty bottle is bad, so they asked me to hide it.  All that seemed pointless, but I obeyed.  I didn’t get one room farther before another person asked me to shift my camera bag around to the front instead of on my side.  I’m sure there’s a reason, but it escaped me.  I found the German painters to be somewhat less talented than the rest of Europe, but the sculptors were quite good.  What I did like is that Germans seemed to like depicting real life, which is what I always liked about the Dutch as well.  In the Neus Museum, I saw the painted bust of Nefertiti, and I see why it’s famous.  It’s exquisite.  I was amazed at the fine detail and intact colors from so many thousands of years ago.  Talent is not a modern invention.  The Pergamum museum held a unique appeal, as I’d just been to Pergamum this summer.  They recreated the temple entrance completely inside, and I was struck by visualizing it where I was standing this summer.  Again, very impressive.  The museum also recreated the Ishtar Gate of Babylon, which was made of amazingly blue brick.  After museum hopping for several hours, I made my way down to O2 World for some hockey.  I saw about 4 periods in all, the last two of the first game and the first two of the last game, and had a wonderful time.  There was some seriously good hockey, and the refs were in complete control.  They threw around several misconduct penalties whenever players got out of control.  It kept the game moving quickly.  The fans were like soccer fans in that they were chanting constantly.  They never shut up, and they had a wide array of songs.  They even had drummers.  It was distracting.  I see the point in soccer, somewhat, because so little is happening they have to entertain themselves.  In hockey, it’s just a distraction.  The game moves too fast to keep singing.  One real highlight was that at intermission I could grab a bratwurst, a pretzel, and a Franziskaner.  Now that’s seriously good stuff for a sports game!  I also made sure to get a couple scarves, as that’s the traditional accessory for just about every sport in Europe. 

All told, I left the hotel at about 8:00 am and got back at about 10:30 pm.  I had a full day.

Saturday 12/21

I had one major sight left on my list, and that was the Olympic Park, which is way out on the Western edge of town.  I intended to take the U-bahn all the way there, but the train I was on stopped a few stops short.  It just gave me a chance to walk some more.  The approach to the stadium is quite beautiful, and I happened to arrive just before the one English tour all week was scheduled.  The tour was just for the stadium, but it covered the history of the whole complex.  It's one of the few big additions of the Nazi era that is still used and embraced.  Berlin was supposed to host in 1916, and they'd arranged grounds already, but those games never happened due to WWI.  The '36 games were awarded before the Nazis came to power, and it was actually ballsy for Hitler to spend a ton of money (this was the Depression, remember) on new grounds when old grounds already existed.  It turned out to be useful enough to still be around almost 80 years later.  It is also the first time I know of that the games were used for such explicitly political reasons, and ended up gaining huge significance beyond sports because of Jesse Owens ruining those political plans.  It set an interesting precedent.  The grounds eventually became the British headquarters during the occupation years.  It was nicely refurbished for the 2006 World Cup, and it nicely combines a historical presence with modern quality, much like the rest of Berlin.  

After touring around the grounds and taking pictures from the top of the bell tower, I left the park on foot to finally do some shopping at the Christmas markets.  Again, I followed Melanie's advice and headed to Schloss Charlottenburg for what was a great market.  I got a few gifts, some more Gluhwein, and some fresh mini donuts.  It was wonderful.  I encountered several sellers that spoke very little English, but a smile and some patience goes far.  They want to sell stuff as much as I want to buy it, after all.  

I spent some more time soaking in the spa, which was far more crowded than last time.  It also had several naked adults and two beautiful, bikini-clad Russians.  After trying to relax, but being a little defeated because of all the distractions, I finally decided to try going out on the town.  Berlin is a huge clubbing city, and I was keen to see if I might enjoy some real clubbing for the first time in a long time.  Wikivoyage and Melanie were my sources of information, and I found two or three that sounded interesting.  The kick was that everyone says the party doesn't start until midnight or later.  Luckily, Berlin is smart enough to keep the transit system running all night on the weekend.  Still, I stopped by two different places and wasn't tempted to stick around either one.  The party still wasn't going even at 12:45, and I didn't feel the energy to keep searching for a party after walking around all day.  So, satisfied that I'd given it a shot, I called it a night.  With the right group, though, I could easily see myself dancing the night away in Berlin.

Sunday 12/22

For my last day, I was happy to see that I'd pretty well covered everything I wanted to do.  I headed over to Checkpoint Charlie, which I'd actually seen once before, but I wanted to see if any of the kitschy shops nearby would have anything tempting.  They didn't.  I walked around Postdamer Platz and the Sony Center to see if I was tempted by activities or movies.  I wasn't.  I went for a walk along Unter den Linden away from the Brandenburg gate, mostly because Melanie had told me there was an incredible car on display there.  I didn't find it, but I did go into the Mercedes shop to gawk a little.  There was a big VW building that was closed and covered, so perhaps the cool car was supposed to be there.  I followed some pretty lights over to a pretty building, which turned out to be a war memorial/tomb of the unknown soldier.  It was really just a somber looking statue of what looked like a refugee and her child.  It's a beautiful and somber memorial.  Next door was the German history museum.  So, I headed in and ended up spending 3 hours in there.  It wasn't the greatest museum ever, but the topic was fascinating.  Germany has had such a complex history, and I didn't know too much about it beyond the past century.  I was kinda bored by the museum itself, but the topic kept me interested for hours.  By the end, it was 6:00, and I decided to head home.  I went out for one more German dinner, as there was a Bavarian restaurant just down the street.  The beer was good, but the pretzel and schnitzel were just okay.  If there's one thing that really disappointed me about Berlin was the lack of truly great pretzels.  Maybe I just wasn't looking in the right places.

By the time I got back to the hotel, I realized NFL games were on.  I had to pay 15 Euro for the internet, but I felt like chilling for my last few hours watching football.  The Steelers had the late game, and it was nearly 1:00 am when I saw a horrible call against them in the 3rd Quarter.  I went to bed, needing to get up in a few hours for my flight.  I ended up missing a very entertaining end of the game.  Let that be a lesson to me.  Steelers first.  Sleep second.  At least when I don't have to work in the morning.

The new and the not so new

King's Ely is unlike any school I've ever been a part of.  I spent 13 as a student at Cornell Elementary and High School, 4 years as a student at IUP, 3 years teaching at Leonardtown High School, and 10 years teaching at Northern High School.  Every single one of them was a public school (a state school, as it's known in the UK), mostly for working and middle class families.  King's Ely is a private English boarding school, so the differences are numerous. I have only started to understand the workings of this school, but here are the things which stand out to me:

New:

My classes are scattered around the week.  I see each set of kids 3 times a week, except for Year 9's whom I see 3 times every 2 weeks.  No two days are the same.  Some days are jam packed with lessons, and some days have long breaks in between lessons.  I've been used to having the same schedule every day.  I'm not quite used this new situation.  I have to check my planner constantly to see what I'm teaching next.  

One advantage to this situation is that students get to take many more courses.  I've been used to students taking 6 or 7 classes.  Here, students take perhaps 12.  It really impresses me how most students are able to keep abreast of work in so many subjects. 

It does lead to another new thing, which is having set amounts of homework (an hour's worth, say) I'm permitted to assign, as well as set days on which I can assign it.  It's somewhat necessary to keep students from being overloaded, though I do find it burdensome sometimes.  If homework takes longer than anticipated, or it is just a little bit that needs to be done on an off day, I can expect some resistance. 

Grades are not given to everyone at the same time.  They are given to each year group at different points in the term.  Every student has a baseline grade, which is a low-end prediction of what they should score on the national exam.  Baselines are set by the school, and not by me.  However, I give attainment grades rating their work thus far.  If the attainment grades differ greatly from the baseline grades, then I can expect questions as to why.  

I also write reports on the work of every single student.  Unlike US students that just get a report card each quarter, King's Ely students receive a full paragraph or so from every teacher.  It is certainly a time consuming process, which is probably why they stagger the report dates for different year groups.

Students all take national tests called GCSE's at the end of Year 11 (equivalent of 10th grade in the USA).  Tests are given for every single subject they take.  So, I teach a GCSE curriculum of physics, which is split up over 3 years.  Students will take a science curriculum involving biology, chemistry, and physics, but unlike the USA they take them concurrently every year.  Instead of taking one course a year for three years, they take all three courses for three years, but they only learn a bit of the curriculum each year.  As a result, everyone takes all three classes.  In the USA, only biology is generally tested at the state level, so everyone takes bio, fewer take chem, and the fewest reach physics.  

Students in every year group are split up into sets, arranged by ability from 1 to 5.  These sets are also coordinated among subjects.  All the sciences and maths go together, so if a student is in set 1 for biology, he/she is also in set 1 for chemistry, physics, and math.  They all have the same curriculum, as it is set at the national level.  In the USA, we have names like "honors," "academic," and "general" level, though that varies by school, and they are unique to each subject.  A student can be in honors biology and academic geometry.  Students are grouped by ability anywhere you go.  They just give it a different name here.  However, since the USA has no set national curriculum, the ability groups usually learn slightly different material depending on what class they're in.

Students are all assigned to a tutor, grouped by house and year group.  I am the tutor for the Year 12 boys in Hereward House.  As such, I keep an eye on their grades and behavior, discuss plans of improvement with them when necessary, and stay in contact with their teachers regarding their progress.  I've seen no system like this before, and I think it has a lot of advantages for the students.

The students have a morning meeting every day, two cathedral services, two tutor meetings, and one school assembly.  At NHS, first period would be full of announcements, official attendance, the pledge of allegiance, and anything else that needed to be done.  Full school assemblies were rare.  Here, lesson time is devoted to nothing but lessons, which is very nice.

However, the timing of the lessons is surprisingly inexact.  All lessons are 50 minutes long, but there is no set transition time between lessons, no matter how far students must go to get to the next lesson.  For instance, Lesson 1 is from 9:10-10:00 and Lesson 2 is from 10:00-10:50.  There's obviously no way that the next lesson can begin exactly when the previous lesson is over.  If teachers go over their lesson time (the bells aren't always reliable), it really delays the students getting to the next lesson.  So, I have to be really flexible on what I consider tardy.  I generally always have been, anyways, so this isn't a big change.

Students at King's Ely are incredibly active, partly because they are all required to do sports.  Lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays end at lunch, and from 2:00-4:00 students must do athletics.  There are a variety of sports, but they are split by term.  This past term, boys did rugby and girls did field hockey.  Some kids did rowing as well.  That's it.  If you don't care for those sports (and there are plenty who don't), then tough luck.

Teachers must participate in sports as well, and I was assigned to assist with one of the Year 10 rugby teams.  On the bright side, it really does emphasize that the school is trying to do more than just get kids to pass exams.  They want students to experience a little bit of everything, and sports are a big part of that.  The school wants teachers to interact with students in many different ways, as a classroom teacher, as a coach, as a tutor, etc.  We are taking care of these kids, and we need to see them in as many ways as we can.  The only down side is that there can be a bit of confusion about what the duties involve.  I asked questions about every duty in my first couple weeks, but only in sports was I continually asking questions throughout the term.  It's the only area which was completely new to me.  I'd never coached a sport before.

Beyond that, there are myriad activities including chorus, band, theater, and ely scheme (outdoor adventures).  In the last couple weeks of term, I saw some students perform in every single one of them.  It really dumbfounded me how much time it must take in order to prepare for so many activities.  The students at King's Ely are some of the most active and engaged students I've ever seen.

Not so new:

One thing seems to make school administrators happier than anything.  Meetings.  We have a lot of them here.

Students still have many creative excuses for why they couldn't do their homework.

Asking questions in class still is the most useful skill that students are most afraid of mastering.

The key to good teaching remains the same.  It all starts with making sure the students and parents know that you care.  The next step is to show students that they can succeed.  Everything else is just details.

In any profession, colleagues share a special bond, and I don't think there are many jobs in the world that don't involve grabbing drinks at the end of the week.  However, I've always had a difficult time finding a social balance with my colleagues.  It's no different here.


So, the new definitely outweighs the familiar, which is no surprise.  I am learning a lot, that's for sure.